plenty

So many things have passed since the last time i posted, i have encountered a few problems with the person i see regularly, mainly situational and circumstancial problems like her daughters being there too much which hinder our dynamic but i guess that's the nature of the relationship we have. The car broke down massivley too! The day it was due for a service it conked out and we were informed it was the engine that was 'knackered' of which i have my suspicions but it was not about mucking about and so i found an engine and had it sent to my brothers house where he contacted someone he knows to put it in. On a good note i have almost finished a pc repair diploma and now just waiting on the test day then i'll be qualified! My Psychology course is going well too, the car got driven back yesterday then today i got hit with the news of another pet that had died, this time the cat and it's flattened me again, hard and mainly due to the mystery around his death. I'm trying hard to come to terms with the world as that's what generally goes through my mind when i get this kind of news, it seems i rub off a little care on pets and stuff and then they leave me which i know isn't how it works but it's so hard nonetheless.

This weekend is becoming more daunting with the news of the death also of someone else being invited to hang around which makes things so much harder for me but i have taken steps in my mind to minimise any potential flashpoints that often occur when my principles become compromised so that is a start. I'm due to go out tonight though really not up for it at all but atleast i can come home which is a massive plus point as i don't think i could handle pretending to be nice tonight.

Tomorrow is a big big day and to be honest i can't wait to be on the way home, i will try to make it a good day although it's going to be tough at times.

I got accepted to go to an interview to become a mentor although having doubts again due to the committent of it and whether i think i am ready for it, not sure, i need to decide and just do it, this was a positive year and even though i have been kicked a few times i am determined!

Had a few epiphonies over the last couple of days, i watched the imaginarium of doctor parnassus and even though it told a story of old where people choose a righteous path of good or the easy way out of the devil, to which they lose their souls etc it kind of broadened my understanding a little more which i need right now. People these days seem to be more and more depicted as people who want magic in the palm of their hands, they want illusionism, they want everything to be tangible or it is all fake thus sustaining their lust for the easy way out, it has become an era of a ready-to-go and throw-away society where everything is perfomred for a price, currency gets you goods but now it gets you anything you want for minimal effort, maybe it has always been that way but this film expanded on the power of the mind and the imagination which has always been scoffed at and yet is the very engine of realities and science! The imagination produces ideas that then become solidified through theory and experimental research which then become fact as opposed as myth regardless of how vague the results are, if a machine was invented that translated brain signals as dreams then a heading would read 'dreams can be watched on telly!', it's been the case many times and i'm sure will be done again, hence sensationalism!

Death needs to be re-addressed in my mind for my own good as poor minsky has got my mind asking deep deep questions again, i hope i can find comfort in the answers.