testing times

Well, exactly what I said really, these seem to be testing times for me, mainly because I am finding it hard to understand how some people can forget the simplest of courtesies and spending so much time analysing whether they are doing it on purpose or they are just dense! Hmmmm, I wish so much I could just live day to day and not worry about these little things but not knowing what is happening and having to hope someone will tell me what is happening really pisses me off no end and this weekend is no different, it's began shite again, I am not sure how much more of this crap I can stand to be honest, just want to get away from it all, you know what compounds this all so much for me, makes it a billion times more intense is that I'm really quite a simple person believe it or not, I do not have ANY expectations, I don't sit in hope of something, I don't put my heart on dreams I know simply won't happen or rather may not happen, all I have ever expected is just plain good old common courtesy, nothing more!

It is tearing me up inside, all I feel like doing is shouting my nuts off at someone, shaking them into understanding how bad they can make me feel, how selfish they can be and not even know it! I always seem to pacify myself and getting soooooo tired of it, I either need to get away or explode on someone worthy.

I absolutely hate some feelings that I sometimes get when someone creates an atmosphere for me, I tried hard not to slip into a silent state today but it was no use, I feel unneeded and worse than that I feel like I don't know where to go and what I should do cos this person doesn't see the point or need it communication, I must be the toughest cookie in the tin!

I'm gonna fight on though, this is my year and that is final!